Receiving

I am utterly perplexed as to why I have been hesitant in moving forward with my goals. I wrote my book, I started this little website, one would think I should be feeling pretty good about myself, yet when I look at my previous posts, they feel kind of timid. Perhaps I'm unconsciously concerned that this is not a fashion blog and does anybody really care or relate to my feelings of inadequacy? I display happy emotions and behavior at work and with friends, so I surprise myself when I read what I write sometimes. I'm not fake with people, for the most part I am a happy person, but when it comes to showing off my talents? I free up. Maybe it's because they expose me entirely. My songs, my tweets, my blog posts. We are in a society that gives you a false feeling of acceptance. We have so many platforms to voice our true selves, yet we have to be careful to not upset the masses. It's overwhelming. I am currently working on it, because I have so, so much I want to express. I feel like I'm going to burst! POP! I have to get out of this headspace, for far to long I have allowed myself to get caught up in distractions. I am fully aware that it is all nonsense, and isn't fascinating that I can go on and on and on and write a whole lotta nothing? LOL! I've concluded that I need to be more present, and fingers crossed if I chose to live in the moment and not pay attention to the silly thoughts in my head, perhaps I can finally embrace the blessings that are coming my way. 'This might sound a little, woo-woo, but hear me out. There has been plenty of times that good things have happened to me and in the past I've let them pass me by, because I didn't think highly of myself. There's a movie out about the Stanford Prison Experiment, where college students volunteered to be a part of it. Some of the young men had the option to either be a prisoner or a prison guard. Many picked prisoner, because some though it would be less work while others didn't think they could handle being anything more. I've always thought of myself as a freethinker, a leader, but I am aware that I have a compromised self esteem. So, who I pick to be in that situation?

I've clearly been on a self reflection kick. I am hoping to get off of it soon and start grinding and getting shit done, but I am allowing myself to go through this process. One thing I know for sure, the tide is changing and ready or not I am open to receive and except my blessings.